When we first get married, we get married with our heart.
But, it often seems that as the years go on, we stay married with our head.
Ok, I know that sounds strange, but what I mean is that falling in love requires all of our heart. In order to stay married, we like to switch to using our head and intellect to manage crisis, keep the other person happy, and even in our pursuit of Christ.
Colston and I have been married for almost 12 years (what?!). I'm still 22, but that's fine.
This is not a blog post about how we've had a successful marriage to this point. I'm not going to give you all of our tips and tricks to keeping it all together. Honestly? No healthy part of our marriage has come from our own abilities.
What I know is this; following Jesus is key to every healthy marriage, but it's HOW you follow Him that matters most. You either follow Him with a heart of humility or try to follow Him intellectually. But, take it from me, what you KNOW about Christ will only help you to throw facts in the face of your spouse. It will not unite your hearts.
Our marriage is most healthy when we are individually following Jesus and approaching each other with humility that comes from understanding God's heart for our marriage. This doesn't happen with a personality test or with "five steps to a healthy marriage" that we've read somewhere online.
Ok, but what does that mean exactly? It means that as we choose to follow Jesus individually, knowing what Jesus has done/is doing in both of our lives (scars and all). We then operate out of trust for God because He is unifying our hearts in that process.
Humility in our marriage often sounds like this;
"Your accusation is worth investigating."
"Your feelings are always valid because I know your heart."
"I'll wait as long as you need."
"I'm listening."
Humility sees the ongoing work of Christ in the other person and allows us to step in and navigate each moment with compassion.
Humility doesn't pray for the other persons actions to change, but their heart.
Humility doesn't fight for the other persons happiness, but for their heart.
Humility doesn't fight for the win of one, but for the heart of both.
Humility for our marriage has been greater in one of us than the other in a lot of situations. And when that happens, humility chooses to wait as long as it takes. The end result is absolutely life-giving and life-changing.
We don't just stumble on this level of humility that nurtures and ignites a healthy marriage. This level of humility is not found even in the best of counseling. Humility like this is found in knowing the depths from which you've been saved by a God Whose love for us is too grand to measure and too complex to explain.
"So that Christ may dwell in your heartsthrough faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." Ephesians 3:17-18
Remember how long God, in His love, waited on you. Your spouse is worth waiting for. Through every emotion and every season, wait with humility.
A forever commitment taken one day at a time. You've got this because He's got your marriage. Fight for their heart today, ok?
With Love,
Em
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